Autumn is setting in, the days are getting cooler and so
the time has come to switch to winter sports. Whilst old favourites
are still well supported, this year we have both new games and new
players. The current state of the contest is as follows:
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| Oatmeal at his secret training camp |
Oatmeal is still the unchallenged lap-sleeping champion,
a fine figure of a sumo-feline who has trimmed his weight back to a
mere 6.5kg after a year or more of serious dieting. Even so, he
still has the stretch and spread to fully occupy a lap and can keep
the effort down for hours if left undisturbed by his people
making pots of tea or urgently needing to restore blood circulation
below the knee. Winter lap-sleeping is very similar to summer
lap-sitting, except the heating is more likely to be on and has the
benefit of permanent facilities which means that nobody has to put
the garden chairs away in the shed at the end of the day.
For now, the great Teddy-Tubby sleeps supreme.
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| Piper working on advanced skills |
Piper has taken up golf. Another 6.5kg of furry
contender, his leaner looks and longer legs mean that he can chase
the golf ball further and faster than anyone else, whilst his natural
agility means that he can spin on the spot, dive behind the curtains
and be ready to tackle Oatmeal for the ball. This is a new sport for
the season and the golf ball itself has largely appeared out of
nowhere. New toys simply arriving is not an uncommon occurrence, and
the golf ball has a significant advantage over freshly killed rodents
– it doesn't start to smell bad after three days lost under a
bookshelf.
When not refining his golfing skills, Piper has taken to
chasing Ginge who, at a mere 2.5kg, is still mistress of the
nose-swipe. For her chosen sport, Ginge has gone back to the
below-the-ribs trampoline, testing my reflexes and abdominal muscles
in the middle of the night. As in previous years, the scoring system
is based on how many expletives I still have the breath for after
impact. There are bonus points for the direct-injection purring, her
nose right in my ear.
For leisurely evenings, Piper now holds his masterclass
in sofa-hogging.
Squeak retains her title as the burrowing champion –
why sleep on the furniture when you can be inside?
Winter burrowing is naturally quite distinct from summer burrowing in
that... OK. I'm sure there is a difference...
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| Thug waiting for the next contestant |
The new player for this season is Thug (weight unknown)
who likes to drop by once a week and play with everyone. Thug is a
lean and fast young ginger and white tom who has proven himself the absolute
champion of relentless violence and is clearly a Sean Connery fan.
Unfortunately, the Thug take on the Untouchables is I'll put one
of yours in the hospital, and then I'll put one of yours in the
morgue. To people, Thug is actually a very loving and adoring
cat who likes nothing more than a good stroking behind the head
whilst he menaces one of the other players. Of course, for those of
the feline persuasion, Thug is a blood-thirsty psychopath utterly
focussed on victory. Unlike most sports, there is no actual
disqualification for trying to bite your opponent's ear off. In
fact, biting, gouging and clawing are integral to the game.
